Loving You Once Is Enough

I hated my father, from the age of nine to nineteen.

I hated his ruthlessness when he left, his resolute indifference.

When I was nine, I hid in the wardrobe and watched my mother kneel to my father, begging him not to go.

But my father threw the divorce agreement on the ground, disregarding my mothers piteous pleas, took his luggage and left home.

Paternal love became a pain in my life that I could never touch again.

In the autumn of my nineteenth year, my mother cried blind after my younger brothers death.

That year, my brother was just a ten-year-old child, who drowned while trying to catch fish for my mother to cook.

I watched as my mothers bloodshot eyes shed tears that turned into blood, and I watched her cry for three days and nights with my brothers cold body in her arms.

Until my brother was cremated and buried, I never saw my father appear.

My mother and I, and my brother, were completely abandoned by my father for ten years.

I wanted to take my mother to rent a house near the university city, to take care of her while I was going to school.

But my mother stubbornly refused to leave this riverside town.

"Emily, your brothers soul is still here, mom cant bear to leave him alone..."

The doctor said there was hope for my mothers eyes to regain sight, but it required a huge sum of treatment fees.

I found out the address of my fathers company, and waited in the scorching sun for an afternoon, but I never saw my father.

The security guard who went in to report said that my father personally said he didnt have a daughter named Emily Thompson.

I squatted outside my fathers apartment all night, and saw him holding an elegant womans shoulder, talking and laughing.

Behind him was a girl about my age, happily calling him: "Dad!"

I felt my heart was deeply stabbed by the scene in front of me, and countless bloody blood flowed down the hole.

The man who once gave my mother marriage is now someone elses husband;

The man who once gave me life is now someone elses dad, with a new family...

Why, why are my mother and I so despised in his eyes, why can he say so heartlessly that he doesnt have a daughter like me!

I sat on the bench behind the flower bed, watching the sky gradually get dark, and then watching the lights in the apartment not far away go out one by one, until everything around became as quiet as death.

All night, I didnt close my eyes, staring at the door of the apartment with my bloodshot eyes.

The bell tower struck eight oclock, and the door of the apartment was creaked open.

I was tense all over, staring at the happy family of three saying goodbye hugs at the door.

Watching the man who abandoned himself caress the girls cheek affectionately, his face full of paternal love and kindness.

A bone-eating coldness spread from the soles of my feet to my whole body, and I bit my lower lip, and my pale fingernails pinched into the palm.

As his daughter, why has he never looked at me with such eyes, why has he never given me paternal love!

My brothers body is still cold, my mother is blind, and life is poor and ragged;

This girl has a mother who loves her, a father who loves her, and life is going well and well-fed!

Dad, have you really forgotten that I am also your daughter?