This was my first time in such a place. Always hearing Jane Eyre talk about the freedom of these establishments, I finally came to see for myself, only to find it underwhelming. Dozens of young men in uniform were casting flirtatious glances my way, but I felt nothing, perhaps Ive been immune to such charms after being married to Edward Cullen for so long.
"Catherine, are these the best you have?" I said, feigning disappointment as I looked around The Cullens Club.
Catherine Morland, the clubs esteemed manager, was recommended by Jane Eyre. She promised a variety of handsome men, but I was unimpressed.
"Mrs. Swan, these are our most popular," Catherine said with a forced smile, her face showing a hint of embarrassment.
I decided to cut her some slack; after all, were all just trying to make a living. I wasnt here for pleasure, just looking for the right person for my plan.
"Forget it," I waved my hand, pointing at a young man with a charming dimple, "Ill take him."
Catherine visibly relaxed, exchanged some pleasantries, and left with the rest of the men.
In the dimly lit private room, it was just the young man and me.
"How old are you?" I asked.
"Twenty," he replied.
"Not in school?" I was a bit disappointed with his shy demeanor. I needed someone bold, not someone who would fail me.
"Sophomore in college," he said briefly.
"Earning tuition?" I inquired.
He nodded.
Great, I picked the wrong guy today.
This gigolo was not going to work out for me.
Feeling frustrated, I asked him to drink with me. They say alcohol can change a mans temperament, revealing his true character.
After a few drinks, he didnt say much, instead, he started crying, pouring out his lifes hardships and asking for my financial help.
I had goosebumps.
Isabella Swan, your taste in men is as poor as ever, even picking a gigolo is a failure.
I didnt want to listen to his whining and left the private room to find Catherine, hoping she could find me someone more daring.
As I walked out, I realized the bottle of wine had a strong aftertaste. I hadnt taken a few steps before I felt dizzy and unsteady.
The corridor was carpeted with soft rugs, and in my high heels, I lost my balance and twisted my ankle.
Suddenly, a strong arm steadied me.
I looked up to see an incredibly handsome face.
The corridor lights were warm and yellow, but I saw him clearly. His features were as if painted by an artist with no flaws.
For the first time, I understood what it meant to be "so handsome you cant close your legs."
This stranger was incredibly good-looking, a hundred times better than any current male celebrity.
Even as a twenty-nine-year-old married woman immune to handsome men, I couldnt help but stop my heartbeat.
"You..." the man looked at me with a strange expression, a mix of surprise and anger.
I giggled.
Catherine was really stingy, hiding such a top-notch man from me.
Looking at his professional gaze, if I didnt know that these men were just acting, I might have thought he was smitten with me.
"Sister," the young man I had chosen earlier ran out, probably looking for me.
"Sister, you..." he looked at me, about to say something, but upon seeing the man next to me, he closed his mouth and ran away without looking back.
I looked at the young man and then at the man holding me in his arms, laughing, "Handsome guy, you scared off my guy. How are you going to compensate me?"
The man seemed a bit angry, his eyebrows slightly furrowed as he stared at me, his face showing a hint of anger: "What are you doing here!"
I looked at him, raised my eyebrows, and laughed: "What do you think Im doing here?" I said, deliberately reaching out to touch his face, "Of course, Im here for fun! How old are you, little handsome guy? Dont tell me youre also a college student working part-time."
The mans eyes flickered with emotions too fast for me to catch.
"You, go home!" he said, grabbing my arm and trying to take me away.
I panicked and pounded on him, shouting, "Hey, whats wrong with you! What I do here is none of your business! Who do you think you are to interfere with me! Do I know you!"
The man stopped, turned his head, and looked at me with disbelief: "What did you just say? Say it again!"
I looked at his fierce expression and was inexplicably scared. I mumbled, "I dont know you, why are you meddling!"
His pupils contracted sharply, and I could feel his anger about to erupt, but unexpectedly, he didnt get angry. He looked at me as if a wolf was staring at its prey: "You really came here..." He looked at me in disbelief, his eyes seemed to flash with a trace of heartache.
"Yes, so dont stop me, Ive paid for it," I said, looking at him. I estimated that this man was not an ordinary level. If I got involved with him, it was very likely that...
I just wanted to find a shield, not to get into trouble. A transaction of silver and goods, never go to the heart.
"What are you thinking?" He noticed my hesitation, and he must have known that I regretted choosing him.
I was a bit embarrassed and blurted out: "You havent said how much you charge, if its too expensive, Ill change someone else."
He looked at me with a trace of sarcasm.
"Rest assured, you can afford it," he said before I could finish, dragging me through twists and turns to a dark room.
The room was not lit.
He locked the door without any politeness.
I wanted to say something, but he pressed me against the wall and kissed me.
I wanted to push him away, but he held me tightly with his hands, making me unable to move.
Comparing strength with a man is asking for trouble. I could only let him do as he pleased.
I have to say, he was extraordinary. His skills were top-notch, making me feel soft all over.
I determined that he was a master in this field.
He was gentle at first, then became more and more intense. He hugged me tightly, as if he wanted to devour me.
Strangely, I felt a sense of familiarity with him, as if I had met him before, but I couldnt remember him at all.
But I liked this familiar feeling very much. This feeling made me quickly accept his breath and be able to match him, instead of being led by the nose.
He pressed down on me, and his rising body temperature also made me burn together.
"Uh..." I suddenly didnt know what to say. Im not an old hand in this, its my first time.
"Im a married woman," I said out of the blue.
In the dark, he didnt make a sound. I guess he knew very well that most women who come here have families. Only women who are desperate about marriage will indulge themselves. Pure girls are impossible to come here.
"So what?" His tone became cold.
"Were just trading."
He didnt speak, but he gave a cold laugh. His movements became more rough, and I couldnt help frowning.
"You asked me to accompany you, right?" he sneered, "Why are you so coy now?"
I dont think I said anything wrong, why did his attitude become so bad? I really dont understand.
I quickly pushed him away, and I was angry.
"Are you angry?" he said in the dark, his words full of ridicule, "You husband cant satisfy you, or he has a woman outside."
He mentioned Edward Cullen. I was even more sad and wronged. Edward Cullen really didnt take care of me well, but its not that he cant do it, nor is it that he has a woman outside, but...
"You men are all bad," I said angrily, my words full of a strong nasal sound.
"Youre crying?" He seemed a bit surprised.
I felt a hand reaching for my face. I quickly turned my face away, but he still touched my tears.
"Is he not good to you?" His voice softened, without the previous cold ridicule and sarcasm.
"If hes good to me, would I come here!" My tears fell down.
Everyone thinks I married a good man, with style, style, and character. Only I know what kind of life Ive been living. Especially when I found out Edward Cullens secret not long ago, it was simply devastating.
The more I thought about it, the more sad I felt. I felt that I had poured all my passion into the gutter over the years. If someone knew, I would definitely become a big joke.
My tears fell down, and my sobbing became louder and louder.
A strong and warm embrace hugged me.
I seemed to find a support and cried bitterly.
In the dark, he picked up my face and kissed my rolling tears carefully. He kissed me as if I were his lover.
Gradually, I stopped crying, and I hugged him again.
At the last moment when he was about to enter, I whispered to him, "Can you be gentle, I, its my first time."
I clearly felt his body pause, and he said in disbelief, "Youre a virgin?"
"Hmm." My face was already red to my neck.
Jane Eyre often told me to be good to myself, not only in material terms, but also in all aspects. I cant lose myself.
"As long as your skills are good, I can be less painful," I said seriously.
I heard Jane Eyre say that inexperienced or selfish men will make a womans first time very painful. I speculated that this man is a professional, and these bed matters should be within his business scope. He must be good at that aspect.
"I know," he said softly in my ear, his voice much gentler.
I sighed.
"Why?" he asked.
"Suddenly feel that Im at a disadvantage," I said a bit lost. I always fantasized that my first time was given to the person I love, but Im already twenty-nine years old, and the chance to meet true love is slim.
"Youre not at a disadvantage," he gently touched my shoulder, and whispered very gently in my ear, "because its my first time too."